Christ Church Washington D.C.

What is marriage about? Our text this morning is drawn from Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22 through 33. Let us pray. Heavenly Father we ask your blessing upon us this morning. May we hear your word and may the word be preached well. We pray that we would all hear and do your word for we pray this in Jesus name. Amen.
I’m sure Spurgeon would agree with the thrust of our sermon this morning that marriage is about Jesus. Marriage is about Jesus.
A wife points to Jesus. A husband points to Jesus. And marriage points to Jesus. So first of all, we’ll see a wife points to Jesus. Go ahead and open up your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5. We’re going to begin there in verse 22. And it says there in verse 22, Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
He was leading up to the text that we have here, and he talked about submission. Paul’s been speaking in Ephesians. He’s been telling the people not to sin, but to be filled with the Spirit. And he ends the prior pericope with the subject of mutual submission. Now it’s going to get a little bit more specific. But in verse 20 and 21, it says,
Now our text here says,
Verse 23.
Now this is not talking about lording it over your spouse. This isn’t talking about inequality. For you see, we are all equal as the people of God. Spiritual equals standing before Jesus. And when it says that a husband is the head of the wife,
it’s talking about loving, willing submission to a spiritual equal. Now, I want to say this. Women are superior to men in many areas, are they not? I mean, think about this for a minute. Women are superior to men in tenderness. They’re superior in gentleness, gracefulness, nurture, and beauty. Now, you guys are starting a new church here, and I’ll tell you where women are superior is building the substructure of your community. They’re better at communication normally. They have empathy.
And so they build out the church as far as the community goes. But men are uniquely designed to rule, provide, and protect. Our disposition as men is different, and you can see it from our physicality. God has made men to rule, provide, and protect. But we live in a country with a big but, don’t we? Americans love saying but. But I know this one woman who, okay, I’m not talking about exceptions to the rule.
We’re talking about generalities and how God has made things. And we see that men are uniquely designed for this rule. And if you want a generalized view on how God made the world, men create, women complete. Men create, women complete. Now here, the husband’s the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Obviously, there’s an extreme disproportion between a husband and Christ. But what should a husband do that mirrors Christ?
What should you as husbands do that mirrors Christ? You should care for your bride. You should provide for your bride. You should protect your bride. You should be willing to die for your bride. Accepting headship means respect. Men need respect. We live in a time and place where no one’s willing to give men respect. I refuse to give respect to any man. But men need to be respected
and I don’t care what the culture says. We are part of an ancient tradition that actually goes all the way back to the beginning and this is counter-cultural in our cultural moment. Going on to verse 24. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. The church willingly and lovingly submits and thus points to Jesus. A wife should willingly and lovingly submit to her husband and thus
point to Jesus. And there’s continuity and discontinuity with this. Now a wife should not submit to her husband’s sinful decisions. This is not saying that whatever your husband says you have to do. And I want to say this, I want to make a point here. The spirit is thicker than blood. The spirit is thicker than blood. If you’ve got a family member falling into sin, you’ve got a responsibility to stand for righteousness.
To stand for the word of God. How often it is when there’s an issue of church discipline in the church and families take sides even though there’s sin and unrighteousness that goes against the word of God. And so, if your husband is trying to get you to sin, you do not have an obligation to follow that. But in all regular things in life, a wife should submit to her husband. Now notice how it’s set forth here. Now as the church submits to Christ. Who is the church?
Is the church just a doormat? Does Jesus say, do this and don’t give me any lip? Obey me now. Or does he treat her as a queen? You see, when you’re doing this and you’re engaging in it in this way, you are acting like a wise queen and advisor. Have you ever thought about how the church relates to Jesus? What do we do when we gather together to worship? Have you ever thought about what prayer is?
Wise queen, what do you want? How do you want me to do things in the created order? Give me your requests. Advise me, and I’ll send forth legions of angels to carry out my will, for you are a wise queen. And going on here, marriage is entering into an institution that goes back to the beginning. Marriage is a creation ordinance. Marriage was created at the beginning of the world. We are talking about things that go back into the primeval.
We’re talking about ancient traditions. This is not an institution that is concerned to comport itself to our cultural moment, but rather is counter-cultural in our time and place. Now, at our old house, there were a bunch of old ceramic pots, a birdbath, and a chimney that were slowly falling over, crumbling into pieces, and returning to dust. These things pointed to a time when another resident cared for these items.
Can I hear an amen to that? So a wife points to Jesus, and now we’re going to see that a husband points to Jesus. Going on to verse 25.
Husbands, you are not Jesus. You are not perfectly sinless. You are a sinner saved by grace, and yet you are to point to Jesus and love as he loves his bride. How did Jesus love his bride? He laid down his privilege, and he took on human flesh. He had perfect fellowship with the Father and the Spirit before anything was created. He was there at the beginning, and he spoke the worlds into existence.
The farthest stars, he spoke them and put them into existence, and then he upheld all things. But when the Father said, who will go? The Son said, I will go. I will go, and took on human flesh, and he worked hard to earn her purity with his perfect life, and he went to die at the cross to pay her debts, and he rose to give her all things. Husbands, model your lives after Jesus in love.
Husbands, your life mission in married life is to seek your bride’s ever-increasing sanctification. Your job is to do what you can to assist her to be more like Christ.
Having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. Now, you’ll see this oftentimes. You’ll see situations where wives are more acute. They’re more in-depth in understanding the Bible and theology than their husbands. And sometimes you’ll see husbands say, well, you know, my wife’s pretty smart, and I’ll just let her handle this. No, you need to get up to speed. If your wife knows more than you, and maybe she’s smarter than you. I know my wife’s smarter than me in some ways.
But you need to get up to speed. And what this is telling you is you need to know your Bible. You need to lead your family. You need to lead your wife. You should be teaching your children the Word of God. So know the Word of God. Study the Word of God. Meditate upon the Word of God. Bleed the Word of God. Put in the work. And since you are not Jesus, you must walk close to and rely upon Him.
Point to Jesus and to love your wife with strength and boldness. Going on here to verse 28. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body. In the same way, you should love your bride as you love your own body.
Come on, you know we do this. Particularly young guys, right? You know, take off your shirt and you’re like… Trying to figure out what you need, right? You might even take selfies at really terrible angles just to get the truth. You study your body and go, man, I’ve got to get rid of these love handles, right? You take care to feed yourself well. You take care to clothe and provision yourself well.
You should be doing that for your bride. Now, I’m not saying you can’t have all those things, but as you do for yourself, care for your bride. Your life as a husband should point imperfectly and yet beautifully because of the grace of God to Jesus. Now, marriage stands in the middle of a confused culture and points to Jesus and points to things that we’ve forgotten.
In the Book of Common Prayer, which is still written into our DNA, you see up front the statements about the purpose of marriage. And we’ve all seen this. Even now, if you look at a show on Netflix or a movie and it has a wedding scene, they will use this portion from the Book of Common Prayer. And it says right up front,
And therefore, is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand unadvisedly or lightly or wantonly to satisfy men’s carnal lusts and appetites like brute beasts that have no understanding, but reverently, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God, duly considering the causes for which matrimony was ordained.
Marriage is serious business. Marriage is about the church and Jesus. And notice the first three statements here, the purposes of marriage. First, it was ordained for the procreation of children to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord and the praise of his holy name. Our brethren in times past knew that one of the main purposes and up front is having children. And children are a good thing. Why? As we’re seeing now, if people don’t have kids,
we go into a negative birth spiral and your culture dies. But you as Christians, when you have children, you’re bringing little Christians into the world. Secondly, it was ordained for a remedy against sin and to avoid fornication that such persons and have not the gift of continency might marry and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ’s body. Sex is a good thing. It’s a gift. It’s an enjoyable thing to be enjoyed in the bonds of marriage between one man and one woman.
Marriage is a little society, a little kingdom of companionship. It should be a harbor in the storm.
It should be a place of two Christians coming together, and whether they have a lot or little, whether under adversity or good times, they’re there for one another to care for each other. And so, we’ve seen a wife points to Jesus, a husband points to Jesus, and now we’ll see marriage points to Jesus, going on to verse 32 in the first part. This mystery is profound. Marriage is a profound mystery.
The Greek word there, musterion, is the word that becomes sacrament in the Latin. It’s a hidden thing that is revealed through divine illumination. Have you ever thought about marriage like that? Marriage is a mystery that is profound. Marriage is holy matrimony. We’ve forgotten that. What does holy matrimony mean? It’s a rite centered on vows made in the presence of God and the church symbolizing a sacred and unbreakable union. Do you think about your marriage that way?
Do you think of your marriage as a profound mystery? Or do you think, hey, we got married down at the courthouse. Judge signed off, got a piece of paper in my back pocket. We played Taylor Swift on the speakers at our wedding and the wedding party did flips down the aisle. A rite centered on vows made in the presence of God and the church symbolizing a sacred unbreakable union. Well, for the Christian it is all this and even more. Second part of verse 32.
To Christ and the church. Marriage points to Jesus. Every Christian wedding and every Christian marriage is an opportunity to show the world how things are supposed to be. Your wedding and your marriage is an opportunity to show the world how things are supposed to be. I’m going to get on a little soapbox here for a second. Some of you may be getting ready for marriage. You’re getting ready for your wedding. Some of you out here.
You need to think about what you’re showing the world. People shouldn’t see a 45-minute sermon on hell and then a dry wedding reception. They should see a wedding and a feast that points to Jesus and points to the joyful wedding supper of the Lamb. Your marriage ultimately points to Jesus and the church.
Wives see that she respects her husband. And so when it’s all said and done, two things arise out of this. First of all, wives need their husbands to love them. Now love is not what we think it is. We think love’s about a feeling, emotion. We fall out of love. I don’t feel this way anymore. I don’t have the warm gushies. Love is commitment in the Bible. Love is care and provision. Love is tenderness.
So husbands, I say to you, spend time studying your wife and what she likes and spend time with your wife. And thus doing that, you point to Jesus. Secondly, husbands need their wives to respect them. And respect means treating him like an adult. Respect means working with him to build a little kingdom and not competing with him. Respect means building him up around others. And when you do that, you point to Jesus.
One of the most well-marketed places in the world is Wall Drug. Anybody been there? It’s a weird, fun tourist attraction located in a tiny town in Wall, South Dakota. The drugstore has signs pointing the way to it 700 miles away in Wisconsin and 500 miles away in Colorado. But the signs pointing the way have taken on a life of their own, as fans of Wall Drug have erected signs in such faraway places as combat outposts in Afghanistan.
And research stations in Antarctica. Marriage, holy matrimony, is a big sign. Standing in the middle of a confused culture at an unsettling time, pointing to Jesus. Your marriage, if carried out properly, and in the grace and power of the Spirit, gives people hope. Gives people hope. So love each other so much that you point to Jesus because,
in Ephesians 5, we’ve seen a wife points to Jesus, a husband points to Jesus, and marriage points to Jesus. Marriage is about Jesus. Soli Deo Gloria. To God alone be the glory. Let us pray. Heavenly Father, we ask your blessing upon us this day that you might strengthen us to put in the work in our marriages in a fallen world,
empower us by the Spirit to be good husbands, to be good wives, and to show forth your relationship, O Jesus, and the church. Bless us to do it this day, for we pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.